Does Social Media Keep Us Connected to Everything Except Ourselves?

It's scary to think that in recent years, I've likely spent more time staring at a screen that I have deeply connected with other humans.

Maybe you can relate. Surely this was not our intention for life, was it? ↓

‍Photo by Dorien Beernink on Unsplash‍

SOCIAL MEDIA: A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

I know, at times, I have felt more at ease with a small screen and a repeated flick of the thumb, allowing me to peer into thousands of people's lives, without being fully connected and present to my own. I would often marvel at the talents of the brave, who appeared to easily share themselves with the world. Some through music, others through comedy, others through art, wisdom and business. Yet, it was often just sheer stupidity that kept me entertained, and I loved it.

It all served a purpose.

Entertainment within reach. Entertainment without having to move. It allowed me to be lazy, to not have to deal with others, especially during those dark years in which I lost myself completely, and was in the process of discovering who I truly am and my purpose in life. It gave me permission to laugh, cry, learn, agree and disagree within the privacy of my world. I could like, comment, share and subscribe, all without having to do very much. It gave me a breather, space from having to face into the actuality of my own thoughts; the truth of my emotions.

It often gave me hope, as I would read the stories of those who had navigated, or who were still navigating through their struggles, almost always nudging something within me that meant I would not only get through the day, but that I indeed, did have the ability and power to navigate my own struggles.

It suited me just fine. Sometimes a distraction from my reality was exactly the thing I needed in the moment. And to have this level of entertainment and wisdom easily accessible appears to be, quite literally, a blessing.

DAIRY FREE ICE-CREAM

The ironic thing about social media, and our ability to connect with others around the world; sharing our talents, our voice and our ideas, amongst other things, is that it's often anything but social. I've often felt isolated, even though I've been part of, and have led, online groups and communities which have allowed me to connect with others.

And yet, this level of human interaction happens with me staring into a screen. To me, it's kind of like dairy free ice-cream. It's not bad per se, it certainly has benefits, and some of it actually tastes pretty good! But it rarely has the creaminess that full fat dairy provides.

Connecting through a screen is akin to the removal of dairy from ice-cream. We know that the full experience of human interaction happens when we are face-to-face, present with one another.

The question must be asked:

How then, do we to overcome the challenge of facing the world when we are barely able to face ourselves?

What We Avoid

Social media has given us a way of avoiding boredom, loneliness and potentially difficult conversations, even if those conversations are with ourselves. We are able to distract ourselves too easily, instead of navigating through these unpleasant experiences (boredom, loneliness etc.) and discovering the gold, essentially the truth that exists at the bottom of them all.

I was reminded of this truth whilst re-reading Start With Why, a book by Simon Sinek. It's primarily related to business, but its roots are based in connection. He shares that we love doing business (buy from/sell to) with people who believe what we believe. Admittedly, many of us do business with others who have what we want, so we exchange our time, money, presence or service in order to get that. But we love doing business with people who believe what we believe, and this, is echoed in what we do.

The same truths that Simon speaks into throughout the book apply to human connection at a personal level. We can hang around with people out of convenience, or who are on a similar pathway, but we love hanging around with people who believe what we believe.

Fortunately and unfortunately, we have invented a variety of ways to avoid having to go so deep. To surround ourselves with people we truly love, we must first of all be willing to share our true selves, and whilst that requires courage, it first of all requires a willingness to go deep and find that part within ourselves. That then, requires a willingness to go without our phone, to turn off social media, and sit in that temporary discomfort of alone-ness so we can truly hear our own thoughts. It means not doing anything for a period of time, so we can eventually do more of the things that are important to us.

Our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, are revealed through inward connection. Once we have that, it's time to share that with others, and eventually, to the world, and social media once again becomes a valuable tool to do that.

The question I ask myself here is: if my world remains somewhat reliant on social media, how do I navigate through creating experiences that foster face-to-face human connection?

WHAT I TRULY DESIRE

I've discovered that I don't want to have a life, nor a business, that is heavily based online. Not because I don't believe in the power of being able to share what I do with the world, but because I see that sharing on social media only perpetuates the cycle of people staying connected to their phones, and disconnected from their self.

I know it serves a purpose, as I discussed earlier. I know that sharing my stories, lessons and experiences on social media does indeed help people who are struggling to navigate their own internal world, just like I once was.

But now that I am no longer struggling with myself, now that I have found peace within my own thoughts, now that I truly love the man I am, how I operate in the world and what I get to do... Do I allow myself to use social media, the very thing that connects us on a level that is devoid of face-to-face, body-to-body interaction?

Yes. But it's tricky, because my joy is almost always based in real life human connection, and filming my life to then spend any amount of time editing it fit for human consumption, and to win in the terms of the algorithm feels fucking draining. I do it. But not because I love the process, but because I feel what I share actually matters, and it makes a difference in people's lives.

I believe that as a society, we are searching for spaces where we can be ourselves and connect with others face-to-face. That certainly won't be everyone's truth in this moment, as I know there are a plenty of people who have had enough with humans right now, and they just want to be left alone. That I understand more than most.

However, there comes a time within the depth of our own alone-ness, (if we allow ourselves to fully experience it) that we crave real human interaction. That may be in the physical act of sex, someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, or someone who is there to co-create with us, to bring our deepest desires and vision for the world into reality.

For me, I know this partly to be via dance floors where people can dress to express themselves, where people come together to move and be free to music that they love.

I also know this to be via safe spaces where we can all share our truth, learn from one another, and maybe, if it feels appropriate, hug one another and re-establish deep, authentic, face-to-face, human connection.

I am, at this point, navigating a way forward in doing that, and it goes against the status quo. The world seems hooked on having to use social media to create such things, and yet, I believe in an even better way.

A BETTER WAY FORWARD

Why do I believe there's a better way? Because people will naturally speak about people, places and things that are in line with what they believe. They will share (without coercion) things that they personally relate to. Things that make them feel seen. Heard. Loved. Less-alone. Safe. Things that make them feel more like themselves.

I know this because of: a) lived experience, and b) other leaders in history.

I am fortunate to have lived in a time that existed before social media, before mobile phones had the ability to take and share photos and videos. Back then I interacted with others without showing them my phone, or being dependent on it for interaction. Back then I primarily interacted with people face-to-face, only using a camera to capture a moment in time, which would later serve as a reminder of the fun we had, and who it was shared with. Photos and videos weren't the focus. What was on my phone was never the focus. The moment was, and I loved it.

If that's not enough to showcase my belief in there being a better way other than using social media as a staple, than allow me to remind you of two people in our recent history: Martin Luther King and Hitler.

Both of these people lead movements without social media. Arguably, one lead through a greater a vision of the future, where an estimated 250,000 people flocked to the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. All without a phone. They all happened to get to the right place at the right time, all because they believed what Martin Luther King believed. Simon Sinek reminds us that he did not give his "12 Step Plan for Civil Rights" speech. He shared his dream, and people 'bought' into that.

The other led millions to death and destruction through fear mongering and forceful coercion. And yet, he was still able to convince millions of people that his way was the right way, and he did this without social media.

Yes, I know radio and TV played a part in what took place, but so did the written form. So did human conversation. One leader destroyed humanity. One leader loved humanity. Both made a mark on the world at opposite ends of the spectrum all without needing a tiny device in their hand to do it.

So, not only do I believe it's possible to do what I want do without using social media as the foundation, I know it's possible. It's bucking the status quo for sure. But I've decided long ago that I'm not here to play it safe and do what other people do, even if it appears that the whole world is in on it.

I see, and believe a better way forward, because I know that social media, whilst providing many benefits, also disconnects us from ourselves and each other.

I will use, at times, social media to help make this vision a reality. It may mean using social media more than I would like to do this initially.

However, what excites me most is creating spaces and experiences that allow people to connect with one another face-to-face, and allow people to share about their experience in whatever way they choose.

Even this website, whilst it's visible only on a screen, serves as a valuable pathway outside of social media. It encourages focus on a singular topic for a few minutes rather than a few seconds, helping and supporting humans to create a life that truly feels like their own.

Most of all, it provides me with a place to share what I’ve learned through my journey, gifting to others messages of hope, wisdom, and support.

Adam