I Sold 90% of Everything I Owned. (Here's What I Found on the Other Side).

Everything I owned now fit into one box, one large suitcase, one small suitcase, two backpacks and a laptop bag.

I had given away or sold the rest of my stuff: car, furniture, clothes, personal belongings, household items, kitchen utensils... all of it.

I was about to embark on a road trip to the other side of Australia with a mate of mine, forcing this 'letting go' moment. But in reality, I was moving because I was struggling. ↓

Photo by ANA CASTILLO on Unsplash‍

THE STRUGGLE

I was miserable and floating in and out of depression. Even after years of inner work encapsulating personal development, coaching and spiritual practices, I felt lost, alone and quite frankly, fucking broken. I decided that a new city was exactly what I needed.

With three weeks to go before the road trip began, I left the Northern Rivers of NSW, and made my way to the Gold Coast, QLD to spend some quality time with my folks. It was a welcome break, a holiday of sorts, and it was a sweet relief to everything I had been living.

Truth be told, my life wasn't bad, per se. I had a career I loved, was in pretty decent health, had some great friends and seemed to be moving in the right direction. Yet, the success of my business at the time was rollercoaster-like, moving in between financial peaks and troughs. Those tough times weighed heavy on my heart and mind, and had me convinced that something must be wrong with me.

Despite having the support of coaches, spiritual mentors and therapies, I just couldn't seem to get it together. So I figured that a fresh start would provide a much needed reset to my life, and I couldn't wait.

And then one week before I was due to leave, I received a text message. It was my travel buddy pulling out of our road trip. Now with no car and no place to call my own, I faced the decision: follow through on this trip or take some time out for myself?

THE PATHWAY

My parents offered me a space to stay as long as I needed, so I took it. With my life fully packed, money in the bank and no pressure to get back to work in the near future, I gave myself space and time to simply be. No agenda, no immediate goals, no plan. Just wake up each day and decide what I wanted to do.

I also gave myself permission to not be working towards something, to not be achieving, to not be thinking about my future and what's next. I gave myself the kind of break that I didn't even know I needed.

A child-like sense of playing in life again emerged. I took beach walks, caught incredible sunrises, hung out with friends, cooked glorious whole food meals, sat in meditation and swam in the ocean. I slept when I wanted to, woke up when I wanted to, and even had some amazing D&M late night chats with my Mum. (Can you honestly tell me this doesn't sound pretty good?)

It felt like I was plugged back in again.

It made me realize that I had been pushing myself, forcing myself to work, trying to get things in my life to fit even before I had given myself the opportunity to fully look after myself.

This went beyond a little weekend retreat, a spa day and a walk in nature - this was nourishing mind, body and soul. Within just a couple of weeks the cloud lifted, and with that, a deeper understanding about life.

THE DISCOVERY

Here's the thing I got to experience: I had almost nothing, but I had everything.

I thought more was the answer, I thought my happiness was tied to success: money, popularity, business growth, even likes on social media. But here I was, with a rapidly depleting bank account, no car, no active business, a small selection of clothes and minimal 'stuff', and I felt happier than I had ever been.

Yes, I admit, I had done the inner work to make peace with myself and my past, I had forgiven myself and everyone who I thought had done wrong by me. In the years prior, I had many difficult conversations that required a supreme level of courage, sharing the raw truth about my struggles and what I did to cope, that created a level of personal freedom that few ever have had the privilege of experiencing.

But here I was with no immediate game plan for life and actually not stressed about it. I didn't know how I was going to make money, but I did have an enthusiasm and joy for life that seemed to be guiding me. My life wasn't sorted. It was anything but glamorous. God, I was nearly 40 and essentially living back with my parents, but I my mind was at peace. And oh boy was I happy.

In what seemed like the first time ever I was focused on what I truly wanted.

It was a love letter to myself that was playing out in real time. I had finally listened to the voice inside me that was guiding me: slow down a little, take a break, don't take life too seriously, and trust that you'll figure it out.

That level of self-trust and the knowing-ness that I had made it through 100% of my most challenging moments built the foundation of certainty that I would make it through this. But I would no longer do life with force, or stress, or anything that involved me pushing against what my mind, body and soul was calling out to do.

That changed everything. And I've since come to understand why.

THE MESSAGE

This unexpected chapter of my journey, full of life not working out for me, helped me learn and believe that everything not working out for me, was actually life working out for me.

Life is actually very simple, but we humans have made it oh so complex. We think we need more. We think more will make us happy. But if we're not happy with what we already have, we won't be happy with what's coming, not long-term anyway.

What's actually required for us to be happy is simple. If we are willing to strip away all the noise for a little while, all the unnecessary busy-ness, and take some time out to be with ourselves, we gain access to joy that's not dependent on having to do anything to achieve it. It can be found in simple things like a sunrise, a chat with a loved one, a nourishing home-cooked meal, a walk in nature, and so much more.

Yes, we do these things as humans, but how many can say we do this nearly enough? Collectively, I feel like we've been forcing ourselves to push through for so long, whilst settling for scraps of down-time and calling that a life.

When we truly listen to ourselves and what we actually need; when we display the courage to press pause, even just for a little while, clarity ensues, purpose is found and life starts to become a more joyful experience.

The struggle ends. The darkness lifts. The mind finds peace.
And life starts to flow with ease.

Adam