Depression Sucks. It's Also the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me.
Depression sucks.
I've been through it. The feeling of not wanting to get out of bed for days on end, not wanting to socialise or even face the world, not wanting anyone to know just how much I was contemplating ending my own life — despite my outward expression: a forced smile and telling everybody "I'm fine."
Who was I kidding? Maybe I was fooling others, but I certainly wasn't fooling myself. Those words were driven by my need to hold it all together, put on a brave face, and pretend I was better than I actually was.
Self-medicating through hours on social media. Binge eating, drinking, drugs, Netflix marathons that turned even the most beautiful days into guilt for not being outside. These coping mechanisms helped, albeit temporarily. They offered a glimpse of happiness, a way to escape. But they'd become their own problem. And deep down, I was fucking miserable.
Many of us are conditioned to believe that being sad or depressed isn't acceptable. We’re taught to just put on a smile and get on with it. That approach has its place. But when it becomes the standard mode of operating, the pain gets stuffed further down. A Pandora's Box bursting at the seams, a box we dare not open.
Fortunately, I opened mine. Piece by piece. Slowly. With support, in safe spaces that allowed me to speak my truth without judgement. With people who loved me no matter how dark that truth turned out to be.
And here's what surprised me most: other people shared the same hurts, the same thoughts, the same darkness. It helped me understand that all of us carry fears, doubts, and feelings of not being good enough. Some are better at covering it up. Some have found ways to cope that paint a convincing picture of fine. But underneath, most of us are carrying more than we let on.
With our pain left unexplored, we become a version of ourselves that knows how to exist in the world by pretending to be someone we’re not.
The truth is, most of us don't really know who we are. We know the version of ourselves that has learned how to earn things like love, money, approval and/or acceptance, but we haven't discovered who we are without the performance. Without having to pretend everything's fine when deep down, it really isn't.
When we're finally willing to speak our truth (essentially, to admit we're struggling, sad, angry or hurt) something shifts. The layers start to fall away. The dark cloud lifts. Joy becomes present without needing anything or anyone to manufacture it.
That's the pathway out of depression.
When you feel safe enough to stop pretending, you can finally address what's been suppressed (piece by piece, not all at once — thankfully!) The real you emerges and you move out of the darkness and back into a world that actually feels like yours.
Depression sucks. I still stand by that. And it's also the biggest gift anyone could ever receive. Because you are, in fact, holding the key to the kind of life you've always dreamed about.
For years I've said that the launchpad for your life is found at rock bottom. It kinda sucks that we have to hit it to find it. But where else would it be? Suspended in mid-air somewhere? Wishful thinking.
Some people hit rock bottom and stay there, circling their misery, turning away every time a pathway presents itself. Others start asking questions — and for those people, answers can always be found. Pathways out always exist. It's up to each person to choose to take them.
saltspace serves as one possible pathway.
Implement what’s shared and you'll do a lot of the heavy lifting that's part of the journey from depression to happiness. You might need to hear the message a few times before it lands. You might float between feeling good and feeling like shit for a while, and that's OK too. Those moments of feeling good are a sign you're finding your way back.
But just remember: wherever you are right now, however bad it seems: it can get better, but you do have to start prioritizing yourself again.
Look after you.
I love you.
Adam xx
