I’ve navigated the rather thrilling, albeit confronting journey of reinventing myself more times than I can count. It appears to me that most people only do this at the spike of a major event: a broken heart; sickness; a failed business; or that one meeting that finally breaks the camel’s back and a decision to move on is made.
And yes, these moments can be a powerful catalyst for major change. But for me, I’ve never really waited for things to get so bad that I would need something in my life to fall apart before making changes.
This article explores the danger of waiting for long-service leave, and invites the notion of reinventing yourself from right where you are, giving you permission to start today.
“IT’S NOT THAT BAD”
“My job isn’t that bad.”
“My relationship isn’t that bad.”
“My health isn’t that bad.”
“It could be worse.””
“There are people much worse off than me, so I really should be more grateful.”
Familiar?
Thoughts like these aren’t universal, but they are more common that we might care to admit. So many of us talk ourselves down from a standard of life that we’ve long outgrown, and support it with logical reasons that disempower us from making change.
A COMMON EXAMPLE
Consider the person who is seven years into working for a company. With long-service leave just around the corner, their sights are set on the two/three months (depends on where you live!) of absolute freedom. They’ve just got three more years to endure before that can be a reality.
If you love what you do, if you love the company and feel aligned with it’s values, if you feel respected and well looked after, then three years isn’t an arduous journey.
But what if you’re fucking over it? What if someone in the company continues to undermine your worth and doesn’t give you the recognition you deserve? What if, by all accounts, you’re no longer excited to continue doing this kind of work?
That three years becomes an effort, a struggle even.
Oh, there is the carrot. The big shiny promise of the two/three months of freedom. You bathe in the thought of it, you even get excited by it. You’ve had this in your sights for a few years now, so you make the decision to stick out, because you’ve come this far, it would be silly to pull out now. Right?
Maybe.
But that two/three months of freedom comes at the cost of three years of not being free. Waking up each day forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. That is, on average, 783 working days you’ll have to push through. Is that a good decision?
Maybe. Only you can decide.
Let me offer you some perspective.
PERSPECTIVE
It’s three years on and long-service leave has officially started. The sweet relief of freedom, the thrill of waking up whenever you want, the joy of finally being able to catch up on sleep, on household chores, on overdue catchups with friends you feel like you don’t seen nearly enough of when life is in full swing, on a long overdue holiday.
It’s a great feeling.
Even whilst reading these words, you likely tasted the excitement of such a moment in time. It’s enticing. You have the best three months of your life, after all you’ve worked hard for this. “I deserve this!” you say.
And you do. You really do.
But eventually, the long service leave comes to an end. You’ve had the holiday. You had the downtime you needed; caught up with friends, on sleep, on household chores; and you finally feel ready to go back to work. Perhaps there’s even a little thrill at the thought of going back to work and seeing your work friends, even going to your favourite cafe with that barista that makes the best coffee. Oh, and Friday afternoon drinks with the work crew! So much to feel excited about.
Yet, within weeks, you’re back to feeling the same way. The excitement has dissipated, and it’s back to reality. Yes, this is exactly the same feeling you had three years ago, the same feeling you’ve been navigating, coping with, for three years. Except now it’s worse. There’s nothing you’re really looking forward to, nothing that’s giving you any reason to stay.
Perhaps something happens to jolt you into this realisation, or perhaps you just resign yourself to believing that’s just the way things are. Perhaps it’s at this point you start to consider a new job, a change in career, maybe even a change in city.
But here’s the thing.: you were already feeling the desire to leave three years ago. You were already feeling the excitement to start your own business, or spend more time on something creative. You were already feeling more passionate about what might be possible with a new city, or a new role, or a new company. You were already wanting a change of some sort. But you squashed your own desires in favour of two/three months of freedom, which cost you three years of not freedom.
Only to arrive back at the same point you were when you first had the desire.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
I’m not here to tell you what is wrong and right, because only you can decide what that is for you. But I can tell you that your desires, if they’re aligned, rarely dissipate quickly. The things you love the most in life don’t suddenly change overnight. The evolve over time. You don’t wake up one day suddenly hating your favourite food and feel revolted by songs you’ve loved and sung along to for years. This just doesn’t happen because you’ve experienced enough in life to have preference of what you like and don’t like.
Similarly, the things you actually want to do with your life rarely go away. They change shape, sure. But the desire, the pull, the excitement, it never really leaves you, so only you can decide about how much time you want to place in between the desires that already exist, and your pursuit of them.
“It’s not that bad!” will seem like a logical response to parts of your life that are keeping your life together right now. Especially if you’re surrounded by people who are also foregoing their dreams, whilst working in a job they don’t really like. You’ll find things to be excited about, things to look forward to - that won’t change. Maybe you’ll even change roles or company, each one giving a short-term relief and temporary dose of excitement.
But your desires? That inner knowing that this job isn’t for you? That almost insatiable passion you have for that thing you do? That doesn’t change. Not quickly anyway. And it will not shut up, no matter how long you ignore it. You can push it down with more work, another role, another promotion, a new company, another accolade, more money, a bigger house, a nicer car - all wonderful things to experience.
But, your inner most desires will still have you considering walking away from it all because it’s one part of you that cannot be bought, earned or outsourced. And…
Until you pay attention to this desire, whatever you do, earn, get or achieve, will never feel like enough.
WAKE UP CALL.
Perhaps you’ve just had a wake up call.
Perhaps these words have been enough to see the futility of putting off your dreams in favour of a life that looks good on paper but feels terrible to live.
You could wait three days, three weeks, three months, three years or more. Or, you could make a decision to stop delaying the inevitable.
Because here’s the thing: you have no idea what you can achieve in three years when you’re are living in alignment to what you really want to do.
I’ve used career as a focus here because it feels most poignant, but this really can be applied to any area of your life. If you’re feeling the disconnect from where you are, what you are doing, how you’re doing it, or even who you are being, then you already have enough to know that something needs to change.
You can decorate your life better, buy nicer things, explore more exotic places and have more fun. Your Instagram can even look like it belongs to an influencer. But all of that might just be decorating the ladder to success that is leaning up against the wrong wall. The ladder you’re climbing and the wall it’s leaning against aren’t bad or wrong, per se. But just consider that the ladder you’re on might be the wrong ladder for you.
Consider what you could achieve if you took your skills, your work ethic, your focus and determination and your passion and applied it to doing something you actually love to do. Consider what could be possible in three years. In five! In ten!
Not from a goal setting perspective, but from a who you’ve become perspective. Should you choose to navigate such a journey, you will discover that you won’t have to push yourself through suffering just so you can enjoy some extended period of time off. You will look forward to the journey, even feel excited to navigate the challenges, as well as welcoming the time off so you can explore other parts of your life that aren’t work.
I’ve worked with people who have changed their entire life in 12 months. I’ve worked with people who have turned their life around in three months because they finally did the one thing they had been covering up with “it’s not that bad.”
I didn’t do it for them, I just helped them tap into the part of themselves that was be pushed down and covered up with a life they thought would make them happy.
THE REINVENTION
If you’ve felt the internal nudge to change something, consider this an opportunity to reinvent yourself today. You don’t need my advice for this, in fact, my advice on how to do this will likely lead you to believe there is one right one way to do this, and consequently lead you to go against yourself and the way you do things.
I simply invite you to sit down with yourself and get clear on what it is you really want to change, and then take one of the inspired actions that show up as a result. The inspired action might be to quit you job, or it could be just to create that Instagram page and officially declare your creative pursuit or business in motion. It might not even be work related, it might be a desire to clear out your pantry, a desire to go to a singles night, or a desire to start dancing or a sport again. No matter what it is, the inspired action won’t feel forced - it will feel exciting and like the most logical first step. That’s the step you take.
In and of itself, that step won’t do much unless you nurture it and follow through. But, if you get clear on what you want to change, take action, and repeat this process every single day, you will won’t even recognise your life in three months, and your life could be completely different in three years.
Of course, if you get stuck and want my support, send me a message and we can discuss that further.
Until next time,
Adam xx
